Musical Interlude

August 25, 2011 at 8:55 PM (Music)

While I wait for the survey to sit a little longer (and consider all the ways I could have done it better), try to think of something positive to blog about, and try not to stew too much over the haters, I thought I’d share something that always helps me with the latter. Hell, even if you disagree with me on queer/asexual issues, maybe it’ll help next time someone gives you the usual flack for being ace. Sorry, Ily, but I’m going to need to borrow your music schtick for a moment. I’ll give it back when I’m done, promise.

“King of Anything”
Sara Bareilles

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ’em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for your time
And try not to waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So, you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to
Jump up onboard with you
Ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost
With no direction, oh
But you’ll never see

You’re so busy making masks
With my name on it in all caps
You’ve got the talking down
Just not the listening


All my life I’ve tried
To make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn
To decide

[Repeat Chorus]

Let me hold your crown, babe


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Hey, aces! Help me with a little poll?

August 18, 2011 at 1:28 PM (Asexuality, Haters) (, , )

It seems the haters are out in force again. (By the way, go secret maker!) Now, while I will probably never get tired of complaining about the prejudice, double standards, and possibly willful ignorance of certain LBGT sexual people, I know most of you are probably sick to death of this issue. Still, if you could just bear with me a little longer…?

See, I’m curious. The antagonistic sorts tend to regard homophobia and transphobia (they almost never seem to mention biphobia, for reasons I’m sure are totally innocent…) as very serious problems, while, for lack of a better term, acephobia is seen as a minor irritation. Now, as you undoubtedly have guessed, I have my own theories about this – but I don’t think anyone’s actually done any sort of widescale polling on the matter. I’d rather have a nice, shiny, real scientific study to read, but that doesn’t exist, so you get me and my crappy poll.

The main poll is at AVEN:

If you don’t have an AVEN account or don’t like using AVEN, and still want to answer, you can answer in the comments. Obviously, you’re on your honor not to answer at AVEN if you answer here. (Look, I told you it was a crappy poll, okay?)

Here’s the question: What’s caused you the most trouble, your romantic/gender identity, or your aceness?

Here are the options:

  • I’m heteroromantic or aromantic, and cis.
  • My romantic/gender identity has caused the most, and the aceness not much.
  • My romantic/gender identity has caused the most, but the aceness has also caused some.
  • Equal: they’ve both been unbothersome.
  • Equal: they’ve both caused roughly the same amount.
  • My aceness has caused the most, and my romantic/gender identity not much.
  • My aceness has caused the most, but my romantic/gender identity has also caused some.
  • By “trouble,” I mean any sort of trouble besides simple confusion over what you are. I know a lot of us are kind of baffled by our romantic orientations or gender identities, but unless it causes you distress, it’s not what I’m asking about here. “I can’t tell what my romantic orientation is” isn’t what I’m asking about; “I think I might be homoromantic and that scares me” is. I’m curious about are things like other people not accepting you, you not accepting yourself, depression or anxiety over what you are, relationship troubles, erasure, general societal attitudes towards your identity, etc.

    Who can answer:

  • Anyone on the ace spectrum who is or thinks they probably are homo-, bi-, or pan- romantic.
  • Anyone on the ace spectrum who is or thinks they probably are trans*, genderqueer, agender, bigender, etc.
  • Anyone who, at some point, identified as or thought they probably were on the ace spectrum and, at some point, identified as or thought they probably were homo/bi/panromantic or trans*/genderqueer/agender, etc.
  • Anyone on the ace spectrum who’s had a same-gender romantic relationship, or something that looked like it from the outside.
  • I’m trying to get people who’ve been in a position to experience both acephobia and homophobia, transphobia, or biphobia. I’m not trying to play Oppression Olympics, but I am curious if LGBT aces tend to find that acephobia is small potatoes for them compared to the rest.

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